I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
