it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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