im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
