Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
