You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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