Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
