As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
