I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
