i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
don't judge my taste in strippers
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
