if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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