Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
