I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
