On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
