He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
