It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
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