A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Randomize
