One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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