I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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