I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
