the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
where does the pee come out of this thing
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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