You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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