So drunk its hurt
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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