My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
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