I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
