So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Randomize
