I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
