I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
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