Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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