I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
