I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
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