ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
so much tequila, so little girl.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
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