Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize