There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize