he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
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