I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
