we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
