just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
