Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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