I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
