Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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