peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
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