You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
birth control should be required to get into college
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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