she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
