You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
