You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
You are a genius and a whore.
I'm bleeding and have questions
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
