turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
