And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Randomize
