Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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