ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
