may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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