my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
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