I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize