and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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