She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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