I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
