What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
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