Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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