I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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