I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
