My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
