Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
