Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
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