I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
it's like heaven, but drunker
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
