Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Randomize