she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Can you bring me the toilet please
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
