No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
