When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
