In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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