All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Randomize
