Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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