True but thats because hes a fetus.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
He uses pillows to masturbate.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize