He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
