can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I forget how to act sober
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