My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Randomize