WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
