i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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