Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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