ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Randomize
