The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
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